Martha vs. Maxine

YOU GOTTA LOVE MAXINE

*Martha's Way*
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

*Maxine's Way *
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

*Martha's Way*

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

*Maxine's Way*

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

*Martha's Way*

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

*Maxine's Way*

Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

*Martha's Way*

If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

*Maxine's Way*

If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

*Martha's Way*

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

*Maxine's Way*

Celery? Never heard of it!

*Martha's Way*

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

*Maxine's Way*

The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

*Martha's Way*

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

*Maxine's Way*

Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

*Martha's Way*

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

*Maxine's Way*

Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

*Martha's Way*

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

*Maxine's Way*

Leftover wine??????????? HELLO !!!!!!!

***

MAXINE SAYS...

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

As usual, if you don't forward this to 10 of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will fall off.

Really... it's true!

Have I ever lied to you?

~~~*~~~